iOS 13 Update Constantly Reassures You That You're A Special Flower And No One Can Take That Away From You

TECHNOLOGY | September 20th, 2019 9:27 AM

Apple released its iOS 13 update yesterday, and it finally includes a long-requested feature. Every 5 to 30 minutes--the interval is customizable via the settings--the phone interrupts with a few seconds of soothing wind chimes, recorded on a remote slope in the Andes, followed by a soft voice which slowly breathes the following words: “Hello. I’m here to remind you that you are a special flower, and no one can take that away from you. Your needs are important, and you give so much to the world by existing.”

In a world where my landlord constantly reminds me in a polite tone to pay my rent, my parents are always bugging me by worrying about my best interest, and my friends say they just don’t “get” my YouTube channel, it’s nice to have the dulcet tones of a cold machine tell me I matter.

There have been reports that during the night the message changes to, “You will always buy the newest Apple products immediately upon their release, and you will forget this message when you wake up,” but I definitely don’t remember hearing that last night.

Subscribe to our weekly newsletter


Recent News

More From Technology

Return Home

Any resemblance of anything on this site to anything else in the history of ever is purely a fabrication of your own mind. The authors of this website are idiots. Do not rely on anything they say or write as a guide in any useful direction in your or anyone else's lives (including their own).

We currently do not collect any cookies. The only user information we collect is your email if you choose to subscribe to our weekly newsletter. We do not use this email list for anything other than sending you the newsletter. We do serve Google ads. See How Google uses data when you use our partners' sites or apps for more information on Google's data collection policies. Additionally, GoDaddy collects cookies for website analytics. See the Website Analytics section of GoDaddy's privacy policy for more information.