Many Californians in Silicon Valley have made the switch to electric vehicles over the past several years, but recently, these elite members of the Electric Cool Kids Club have had a difficult time finding a reliable source of power for their emissionless transport. PG&E’s safety power shutoffs in the Bay Area have forced Tesla owners to return to the tried-and-true source for transportation torque: controlled explosions of energy-rich dead organisms.
Without power in their homes, residents are left with no way to charge the batteries of their personal vehicles. Article two of the constitution of the Elite Electric Cool Kids Club expressly forbids public transportation, requiring members to purchase gas-powered generators to ensure their cherished cars have a full charge. Local power equipment stores who stocked up on every model of generator in anticipation of the surge in demand were disappointed to discover that another stipulation of the Cool Kids Club requires members to “order online whenever possible,” leaving store shelves stocked and providing landfills with an ample supply of superfluous packaging.
Some enterprising engineers have begun offering modification services to install the generators into the Teslas, allowing for continuous charging on the go. “It’s life-saving,” remarked Tesla owner Benito Lawrence. “There are already gas stations everywhere, so I have no problem keeping the generator full.”
PG&E has stated that it may take them as long as ten years to finish the necessary safety improvements to ensure that a simple gust of wind won’t destroy an entire town. In preparation, many residents are already incorporating gas station trips into their daily routines, and some are saying that the generator is so convenient that they might even leave it that way even after the blackouts have ended.
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