POLITICS | October 7th, 2019 7:09 AM

As millions of Americans settle in to watch the impeachment spectacle with an ample supply of popcorn and Milk Duds within arm’s reach, those citizens more familiar with Nostradamus are unfolding their complementary plastic parkas, because the splash zone is about to get a little bigger. Mitt Romney was caught with his mouth open and everything on Saturday morning when Donald Trump proposed his impeachment following Romney’s criticism of Trump’s discourse with foreign leaders.

Like a child parading around in his father’s boots, Rudy Giuliani called this morning for the impeachment of the 8-year-old child who scooped the last of the Cherries Jubilee away from the semisesquicentenarian attorney's voracious maw. The request followed an altercation between the two at Giuliani’s favorite Baskin-Robbins. Giuliani reportedly asked the girl, “Do you know who I am?” to which she replied, “I don’t know. An old person?”

We at ShovelDuck are still diving through the legal literature to find the steps involved with impeachment of what is legally defined as “a minor with no respect for an elder citizen having a discerning palate for cream-based desserts,” but if we had to guess, it’s likely the first step would be a passing of the proposal with a two-thirds vote in the House.