Newly Authorized Third Party Apple Repairs To Be Overseen Personally By Tim Cook

TECHNOLOGY | August 30th, 2019 9:52 AM

Apple recently announced that they will begin allowing third-party repair companies to officially repair iPhones. Companies will be given access to original Apple replacement parts, along with official repair manuals and diagnostic tools. This is heartening news for anyone who’s been following the right to repair battle with Apple, who’s been clutching their pricey yet delicate hardware like an only child who’s not used to sharing their toys. However, there are a few requirements that an independent repair shop must meet in order to qualify for the program.

First, they’ll have to have an employee who is an Apple certified technician. This employee will have to fill out weekly reports on the intimate details of the business’ operations and send them by mail, along with a postcard and convivial greeting, to Tim Cook. Every employee must apply for the new Cook Card, which requires payments be made personally in cash with “unmarked bills like in the movies.” In order to perform a repair on an iPhone, Cook must be flown to your location and observe the repair process personally; he will hover uncomfortably close and make unhelpful comments and suggestions every so often. Finally, Cook must be invited to all family gatherings of each third-party business owner. He obviously won’t be able to attend every function, but he says he likes to “keep [his] options open.”

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