POLITICS | September 25th, 2019 9:33 AM

Yesterday, a formal impeachment inquiry of President Donald Trump was announced by Nancy Pelosi amid allegations that Trump asked Ukrainian president Volodymyr Zelensky to dig up dirt on Joe Biden. It will take some time for impeachment proceedings to get underway and potentially several months to complete the process, and while the majority of Americans are yelling at their virtual assistants in an attempt to skip to the “good part,” the Senate Republicans are angrily building their case around the age-old tenet of “I know I am, but what are you?”

However, while the rest of his conservative cohorts sport scowls and sweat stains, Vice President Mike Pence seems to be positively glowing. As everyone gathers in a frenzy in the center of the republican clubhouse, adorned with that tried-and-true signage “No libs allowed,” Pence sticks to one corner and does his best imitation of nonchalance.

Pence was reached to comment on his thoughts concerning a successful impeachment leading to his promotion to the presidential office. “Oh yeah, that’s right. I totally forgot about that whole thing,” he said, stifling a smile with all the finesse of a third-grade rendition of Lysistrata. “I guess that would be cool--er, I mean--this is a terrible, uh, thing that’s happening.”