Google Pixel 4's Radar Can Detect When Peasants Get Too Close To You

TECHNOLOGY | October 16th, 2019 7:31 AM

The Google Pixel 4 and Pixel 4 XL are now available for preorder, boasting an indulgent pile of fresh features like face unlock, 90Hz screen refresh rate, and even car crash detection. The majority of the buzz is understandably around the new radar feature, which, on the surface, allows for various gesture controls for actions such as “Play/Pause,” “Skip,” and “Mute! Mute! Mute! I didn’t know my roommate was home!” However, the inclusion of radar brings with it a feature that purchasers of high-end smartphones have been requesting for years: Peasant Detection.

How often are you walking down the street and encounter a useless addict asking for some archaic metal coins, an insufferable humanitarian who wants you to sign a petition to end child hunger or whatever, or even someone clearly wearing clothing from Target walking a little too close to you for you to be able to attain the maximum dazzle from your $500 jeans that were worn for years by a grizzled longshoreman to get just the right amount of distress and that you will only wear the one time because by tomorrow they’ll be yesterday’s fashion? Too often, I’m sure.

The Pixel 4 aims to use its new radar chip to not only detect when members of the lower-class populace enter your customizable “Sphere of Exclusion,” but also direct an ear-piercing tone in their direction, causing them to scurry back to whatever appropriately modest, economically conscious hole from which they crawled.

The Pixel 4 XL starts at $999 for the 128GB option, with options to downgrade to the smaller, basic Pixel 4 and/or 64GB of storage for a lower price. However, it should be noted that if you opt for anything but the top-tier configuration, you will most assuredly trigger the Peasant Detection yourself.

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