SPORTS | September 18th, 2019 1:07 PM

Each day, Connor Greenspeld rises from bed promptly at 10am, checks his five go-to sources for NFL player news, and makes roster adjustments accordingly. Perhaps some up-and-coming rookie had an over-the-top performance in last night’s game and deserves a spot on the team, or maybe Antonio Brown is holding out because he has decided that he no longer looks good in navy. Greenspeld has repeated this routine each day of the NFL fantasy season for the past eight years and credits the habit with bringing his team, the Screaming Greenies, first-place finishes in each of those eight seasons. Such elite performance has only been achieved a handful of times in the entire history of TLC Fantasy Football, but Greenspeld reveals that, surprisingly, he seldom gets the recognition he deserves in the pantheon of sports history.

“When I make my tri weekly appearance at Buffalo Wild Wings, I expect to be overrun by adoring fans requesting my autograph on their Screaming Greenies memorabilia--available for purchase at screaminggreenies4life.biz--but even when I bring free t-shirts, most people just use them to sop up wing sauce from their children’s faces,” Greenspeld complains.

Greenspeld says that he often invites his friends out to eat, even offering to pay for their meals, but they always seem to be busy. When reached for comment, his friends told us, “Oh, we’re not busy. He’s just insufferable.”