Fantasy Football Champion Surprised No One Wants To Hang Out With Him

SPORTS | September 18th, 2019 1:07 PM

Each day, Connor Greenspeld rises from bed promptly at 10am, checks his five go-to sources for NFL player news, and makes roster adjustments accordingly. Perhaps some up-and-coming rookie had an over-the-top performance in last night’s game and deserves a spot on the team, or maybe Antonio Brown is holding out because he has decided that he no longer looks good in navy. Greenspeld has repeated this routine each day of the NFL fantasy season for the past eight years and credits the habit with bringing his team, the Screaming Greenies, first-place finishes in each of those eight seasons. Such elite performance has only been achieved a handful of times in the entire history of TLC Fantasy Football, but Greenspeld reveals that, surprisingly, he seldom gets the recognition he deserves in the pantheon of sports history.

“When I make my tri weekly appearance at Buffalo Wild Wings, I expect to be overrun by adoring fans requesting my autograph on their Screaming Greenies memorabilia--available for purchase at even when I bring free t-shirts, most people just use them to sop up wing sauce from their children’s faces,” Greenspeld complains.

Greenspeld says that he often invites his friends out to eat, even offering to pay for their meals, but they always seem to be busy. When reached for comment, his friends told us, “Oh, we’re not busy. He’s just insufferable.”

Subscribe to our weekly newsletter


Recent News

More From Sports

Return Home

Any resemblance of anything on this site to anything else in the history of ever is purely a fabrication of your own mind. The authors of this website are idiots. Do not rely on anything they say or write as a guide in any useful direction in your or anyone else's lives (including their own).

We currently do not collect any cookies. The only user information we collect is your email if you choose to subscribe to our weekly newsletter. We do not use this email list for anything other than sending you the newsletter. We do serve Google ads. See How Google uses data when you use our partners' sites or apps for more information on Google's data collection policies. Additionally, GoDaddy collects cookies for website analytics. See the Website Analytics section of GoDaddy's privacy policy for more information.