ENTERTAINMENT | August 23rd, 2019 7:04 PM

Disney made a splash the other week when they announced they would bundle Hulu and ESPN Plus with their new Disney Plus streaming service, launching in November of this year, all for a monthly price of $12.99. The price of this bundle alone--to say nothing of vanilla Disney Plus' base price of $6.99--is enough to make streaming competitors like Netflix and Amazon look like money-grubbing crooks for providing unending hours of quality content for absurdly reasonable prices. However, if you're one of the people still thinking you'd rather use that $7 to buy a burger from Chili's that you only eat half of and give the rest to your dachshund whose substantial belly leaves striping on the carpet so it looks like a newly mown football field, then you're in luck, because Disney just announced their newest pricing tier, called the Disney First plan.

Customers who opt into the Disney First plan get the Disney Plus service for only $3.99 per month, or $34.99 for those who opt to pay for a year at a time. All Disney requires in order to be eligible for this plan is for customers to sign over their first born child. The child will be legally adopted by the Disney corporation for potential involvement in future entertainment properties or employment in theme parks. This new price is by far the lowest of any comparable paid streaming services on the market today, and what parent wouldn't revel in the idea of seeing their genetic material on the next Disney channel teenage wizard show or starring in Guardians of the Galaxy 12?

The plan is able to be shared by all members of your immediate family, which becomes quite the deal once that second kid comes along. However, once a child turns 18, they are no longer eligible to share their family's plan. If they want to receive the discounted price, they'll have to sign the first child contract themselves.

Before you ask: yes, the child must be unborn before you sign up for the plan, otherwise you won't be eligible for the lower rate. They'll also be keeping an extensive DNA archive, so if you thought you could cheat the system and get a second discount by signing over a second child, you'll be sorely disappointed.

When asked, a Disney spokesperson did state that they are considering the idea of offering an intermediate rate plan in exchange for children under two years of age, who they still consider to be "adequately impressionable."