The nation has been in an uproar for the past two weeks over the ongoing impeachment inquiry, and the democratic presidential hopefuls are taking full advantage of the distraction. Previous to the surfacing of the first whistleblower, all eyes were on the democratic debates, and the candidates were walking on eggshells lest the general population see past the makeup and passionate rhetoric into the cold indifference of their hollow, political souls. Now that the parents are away trying to determine whether the leader of the world’s largest economy should be unseated, the similarly corrupt, albeit somewhat less conspicuous kids can play.
Bernie Sanders wasted no time in contacting and accepting donations from several large corporations and lobbying groups, which now gives him a considerable financial lead. Joe Biden resumed his habit of inappropriate physical contact like an addict who escaped rehab. He also told his son Hunter to just do whatever he wants in Ukraine. Hunter seemed unsure at first, but his father reassured him that he wouldn’t get in trouble because, “it’s like that movie Double Jeopardy.” Elizabeth Warren traveled to the Mexico border to personally expedite the border wall construction, stating, “it will look great for me when I tear it down later.”
However, not everyone has a complete grasp of just what they can get away with at the moment, as Pete Buttigieg was seen kicking over a “Kamala Harris for the People” sign on someone’s lawn, but then immediately blushing and placing it upright again before hurrying on his way.
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