TECHNOLOGY | September 11th, 2019 8:38 AM

Apple held a special event yesterday, during which the exciting new series of iPhone 11s was announced to much drooling and wallet-presenting. The notable base models, the iPhone 11, iPhone 11 Pro, and iPhone 11 Pro Max, were exhibited amidst dubstep and pyrotechnics under the familiar slogan of “collect ‘em all,” but Apple also revealed a fourth, unexpected model, whose prestige is matched only by 2001’s “blue dalmatian” iMac G3 and perhaps the Apple PiPP!N. This fourth model’s full name is the iPhone 11 Pro Max XL SE Investor’s Edition Mk IV, and comes in a single “bruised avocado” color.

There’s a lot to unpack in that name, so let’s break it down. The base form factor is borrowed from the iPhone 11 Pro Max, but Apple designers wanted something bigger--think “there are no pockets that can conceivably fit this device” bigger--so they added XL to the title. Obviously this is a special edition, so it gains the obligatory SE designation.

Now we get to the good part, what makes this an exclusive model: the Investor’s Edition monniker. The only way to get this phone is to donate $5,000 or more directly to Apple. That being said, they are not capping the number of units, so if you’ve got the money sitting around that you were just going to use to replace your dangerously-bald tires, get that painful appendix removed, or financially support your children, there’s no need to worry that you’ll miss out on this once-in-a-lifetime opportunity.

Finally, the Mk IV title was reportedly added “just because it sounds cool,” which honestly, it does. All this in an original, hip-with-the-millenials “bruised avocado” casing. We here at ShovelDuck can’t wait to pick up a couple dozen just to have around the office.

Specs haven’t been revealed for the Investor’s Edition just yet, but sources are reporting that, due to all the bells and whistles and the fact that “these idiots will buy anything we throw at them,” we shouldn’t expect the iPhone 11 Pro Max XL SE Investor’s Edition Mk IV to have much more power than the base model iPhone 4.